“My emotional dilemma” is what I would like to call it in one word. Relations are myriad and relatives (read friends, family, cousins and every other association) weird. Even before I knew what a “relation” truly meant I knew I was emotional, I knew I cant live with out them and I knew being out of a relation breaks my heart and dampens my eye. Every time I find someone “close” to me part ways with me I have seen a piece of my heart walking away from me leaving my heart bruised…
All of my relations usually start off on a very stormy note thanks to my ever-talkative and over-expressive attitude. Sometimes they are like this lovely breeze which touch you only on and off yet leaving an eternal fragrance. Whatever be the case my heart has absorbed them like a clay pot absorbing any color of the water. The moment my eyes widen, my smile broadens and my heart jumps in joy seeing someone or talking to someone I know I have found another flower in the garden of my life. We may be as different as rose and lily yet I ensure that the seeds of our relation are strongly soiled. Different flowers bring different colors to our garden. My heart holds them close inside, my surprising lil gestures add water to nurture the relation, our 'sun'ny converstions give the much-needed food for the relation to grow strong.
There are occasional showers of anger, dampening disappointments and thunders of arguments. But after the storm there is lull again, the cool breeze hasn’t stopped us swaying again towards each other like two flowers swaying again to the breeze of friendship and love.
With all these my heart gets emotional, increases expectations and prioritizes the association. The green plant grows becoming a cynosure for the rest of the world. My friends tell me how much proud they are to be one in my garden. Each of those flowers vie with each other to be “My fave” flower
Suddenly one day the green plant of our friendship starts to show the yellow stains of disinterest. Everything is the same – the heart holding tight, the water nurturing and the ‘sun’ny talks still on. Yet its not the same realizes my heart... My heart worries, desperately tries to see what is wrong; the plant of our relation is now watered with its tears, there’s no longer sunny talks only a pall of gloom covering it like a sky around the earth. The plant knows it all but doesn’t heed.
“Why don’t you tell me what is wrong?” Unless you speak out how would I know what mistake I did?” asks my poor heart. But the plant of our friendship continues to become yellow and finally dies. The poor heart having seen a piece of its heart dead is appalled and dazed.
“This is not the only flower in the garden” tells my mind to which my heart says – “No flower is replaceable” while looking at the hundred others.
It wonders what could have prevented this and takes the extra care while planting a new seed of friendship. After the seed of a friendship blossoms into a lovely green plant it again turns yellow leaving a vale of tears to my heart.
Getting a little serious on this…No matter how much extra care I take to go that extra mile to make my relations, “some” people have ruthlessly ditched me. I take a cue from the experience, teach myself some wisdom and move on with my life. Yet it happens as I grow in my life….I don’t think I have ever learnt any lesson at this rate !!
Yet I don’t give up…I bring a new flower; it dies, and then bring one more, even that dies……and the saga continues….
All of my relations usually start off on a very stormy note thanks to my ever-talkative and over-expressive attitude. Sometimes they are like this lovely breeze which touch you only on and off yet leaving an eternal fragrance. Whatever be the case my heart has absorbed them like a clay pot absorbing any color of the water. The moment my eyes widen, my smile broadens and my heart jumps in joy seeing someone or talking to someone I know I have found another flower in the garden of my life. We may be as different as rose and lily yet I ensure that the seeds of our relation are strongly soiled. Different flowers bring different colors to our garden. My heart holds them close inside, my surprising lil gestures add water to nurture the relation, our 'sun'ny converstions give the much-needed food for the relation to grow strong.
There are occasional showers of anger, dampening disappointments and thunders of arguments. But after the storm there is lull again, the cool breeze hasn’t stopped us swaying again towards each other like two flowers swaying again to the breeze of friendship and love.
With all these my heart gets emotional, increases expectations and prioritizes the association. The green plant grows becoming a cynosure for the rest of the world. My friends tell me how much proud they are to be one in my garden. Each of those flowers vie with each other to be “My fave” flower
Suddenly one day the green plant of our friendship starts to show the yellow stains of disinterest. Everything is the same – the heart holding tight, the water nurturing and the ‘sun’ny talks still on. Yet its not the same realizes my heart... My heart worries, desperately tries to see what is wrong; the plant of our relation is now watered with its tears, there’s no longer sunny talks only a pall of gloom covering it like a sky around the earth. The plant knows it all but doesn’t heed.
“Why don’t you tell me what is wrong?” Unless you speak out how would I know what mistake I did?” asks my poor heart. But the plant of our friendship continues to become yellow and finally dies. The poor heart having seen a piece of its heart dead is appalled and dazed.
“This is not the only flower in the garden” tells my mind to which my heart says – “No flower is replaceable” while looking at the hundred others.
It wonders what could have prevented this and takes the extra care while planting a new seed of friendship. After the seed of a friendship blossoms into a lovely green plant it again turns yellow leaving a vale of tears to my heart.
Getting a little serious on this…No matter how much extra care I take to go that extra mile to make my relations, “some” people have ruthlessly ditched me. I take a cue from the experience, teach myself some wisdom and move on with my life. Yet it happens as I grow in my life….I don’t think I have ever learnt any lesson at this rate !!
Yet I don’t give up…I bring a new flower; it dies, and then bring one more, even that dies……and the saga continues….
But hey...the one thing I never learnt and never intend to learn is "Forget" & "Forgive" all those who made me shed a tear ... :P
PS: This is not for all those who have been, are and will be with me. A Big Thanks to all you guys for bringing some beautiful colors to my life :-)
The way You express your feelings is exactly what I think each and every one will go through. I must say You just cried my heart out.
ReplyDeleteNever the less no matter what life just moves on.
Hari reading this reminds me of my 15 year old self. I was this emotional.But once I read a saying by Swami Vivekananda... It beacame my sutra.
ReplyDelete'Love is like water, the tighter you hold it the faster it flows away.You need to cup it gently'
And hey,I believe in your pursuit to justify yourself, but then to what extent and purpose? If the love you are showing is spurned so many times, just let go. It will come back, because it isn't your absence but it is the warmth of your feelings that are no longer felt that creates a vacuum.
On a similar note,I wrote this for Gun long back:
'The want of a man in woman's life does not arise in his absence, but in the mastery of his passion'
Similarly, unless people realise what it is worth having you in their life, they will not respond.
As you rightly said you have not yet learned the lesson. But shall I tell you something, if that lesson is something you want to learn, remember no more colors will be added in your garden. Arey, just because one flower has wilted will let the whole garden perish?
@Vasu - Ya i like the line - " if that lesson is something you want to learn, remember no more colors will be added in your garden.." How true !! The moment I realised it I felt like taking all these in my stride...
ReplyDeleteGreat, write-up. The example of flower & garden and the way it is used to explain your feelings is very poetic.
ReplyDeleteTry not to take things to heart. Watch the flower, its fragrance and the beauty it adds. Enjoy the scenery but if life suddenly changes colour and the scenery disappears, absorb that too. Let life send new moments & experiences. Dont try too much and give life a chance. It often comes out in flying colours!
I would agree with Phani. It is a good write up with good use of metaphors! Can't comment on relationships for now :)
ReplyDeleteAmazing write up.I just love the way you write.Have been reading your blog on recommendation of a dear friend of mine and I am very happy that I am reading !
ReplyDeleteThanks for being a blogger!
netra.b86@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteGreat. I love this blog.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up. I wonder can I also write like this.
Hi,,
ReplyDeleteNice thoughts... Y dont u give a try in writing books.. Haritha,u do hav potential to b a professional writer
All I can say is "Awesome"
ReplyDeleteI feel "Relation" is all about wanting or not wanting. Don't try to make relations complicated by trying hard to keep the relation alive when the opposite person has "ALREADY" given it up.
Else for sure you'll be the one to dampen your eyes life long..
By the way it feels gr8 to read something like this written by my friend...Cheers :)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis is super coool. One of the best blog posts I’ve ever read.
ReplyDelete