So you have a Bun in ur Oven..??!!

“Woow!! Great news, congrats !”
“Hey that sounds exciting…u r about to enter a lovely phase of life !”
“Wow take care dear…Im soooooo happy for u !”

You feel out of this world and made to feel as if you are an angel fallen from 7th heaven! The hype and the excitement make you believe that you are indeed entering a wonderful phase where you are going to live life Queen Size!! Enough! I have been one of those poor gullible souls who imagined all the nice things about getting pregnant. The over excited world around us highlights only the happy things and blissfully ignores the not-so-happy parts! To have a green chilli after you are made to enjoy your fave dessert is really painful ! At least the other way round would have helped us to lower the expectations.

You are treated like you are fallen from heaven, but only you know that you have fallen flat & hard in some pits of hunger, continuous sleepiness and eternal tiredness. And while falling you have also thrown some things like your figure, that slim waistline, career and your energy into the ether ! Once the excitement of breaking the news subsides, you are now shut in a silent world where all you can hear is hunger pangs, puking noises and irking smells. You start hating your fave food and suddenly feel like having something which you never wanted to have in your wildest dreams. You begin to hate people and their over dose of advice flowing in from all possible directions. You have no clue why this happens, then that happens. Your number of whys and hows increase, and along with your pills you have to start taking some unpalatable surprises. But one thing you definitely can predict is that your health now is unpredictable. On the flip side, you get into a privileged class. Your laziness in the name of pregnancy is excused, early to bed and late to rise also makes you healthy, being with your mom and getting pampered is acceptable. At office an occasional nap during office hours is forgivable, the hawk-eyed manager is now trying to lessen the stress and burden on you, you can skip that imp all-hands, you are out of the cultural events of the company. All the career-oriented women, you can read all these in one phrase - "Sidelined at workplace". It is both relieving and frustrating !

The world now leaves the excitement and tries to paint a rather real pic of what it is like being pregnant. Now they dump some advice like this is how it will be till your 5th month or so…and let this 3rd month pass I am sure you will be fine. Then there are these emotional aunties who keep telling how wonderful it is to give birth to a baby, how lucky are we to be blessed with that virtue ! Don’t ever react and say what you really feel….that you feel sick, that it hurts and that it is so uncomfortable and so sudden in your life that you are not ready for it blah-blah…!! That blah-blah will make them feel that you don’t count your blessings in life and are an unwise fool. You will also be looked at as unemotional, immature and arrogant too. If you ask me it’s ok to be pissed with it, have that cranky mood of your speak out, vent out the frustration especially to your partner. The husbands are such a lucky lot ! With some minimal effort and a few seconds of pleasure, they have a readymade baby falling on their laps after 9 months.

Wait !

If you think this is it, think again. Like all dark clouds even this has a silver lining. Once the 3rd month begins to end and the months increase, you feel the difference. The sleepiness, the nausea, the cranky moods tend to reduce. Your body gets a lil predictable and you slowly start catching the pulse of it. By the time you are in your 5th month, things look brighter and in 6th you are infact feeling your best. You occasionally feel like humming your fave tune, shaking a leg, are more comfortable in meeting and talking to people, are OK with the various smells and are almost leading a normal life. The only difference being your protruding belly (if its already begun).

Now when things look much better, I get a lil positive about me and my pregnancy. I am enjoying this phase of life when I am treated royally and taken care supremely. If you are one of those lucky ones to have gotten a great loving husband then every moment of your life is all the more special now. A slight movement here and there in your tummy sometimes makes you wonder and keeps you excited ! I have also been lucky till now maintaining my weight, health and that figure ;-). Also our new house, the house-warming and everythiing related to 'our home' kept me in a never-ending excitement all thru. I am also glad that our future kid is partially involved in all these auspicious things (And when did I get soooo emotional?? :O) Even before I know I get possessive about the lil one. Phani and me have occasional bickerings on baby being my best friend or his best friend. Its true that you have advice attacking from all sides but some really make sense. Like reading a book (encouraging silence as you wouldnt have much energy to talk now), listening to some soothing music (loud music irks you like hell), eating at regular intervals (to avoid getting tired), enough rest (enough sleep). These things can actually make your initial months of pregnancy bearable.

This journey of life has brought me to this station (read stage) called Pregnancy. If life is all about the various experiences, then its foolish to not to enjoy each stage thoroughly. After all everything is a passing phase so we should enjoy before it passes off. This is what my journey is till the 6th month. Do wait for the 2nd part of this series to know how I felt about the last stage of my pregnancy and what my mind has to speak then. Needless to say the post will be out only after March 2010. Till then its me the would-be-mommy signing off ;-)

Maids of Honour

Time : Ticking Ten AM
Day : A Lazy weekend

My brush is gnashing my teeth in anger all thanks to my maid not turning out yet. Its weekend and I have the privilege to sleep till 10AM but she is a maid how can she not appear by 7.30?? Be it rain or shine, weekend or weekday, maids ought to be as early in the morning as possible. The world stops for us working ladies if the maid is out of reach. Strange, right !

One look at the dirty kitchen sink, dusty floors and messed up dining table, my BP shoots high, my blood boils and my tongue waiting to lash at my maid the moment she will be in. Is it the fear of my laziness at the prospect of cleaning the house which irks me so much? My mind is reluctant for any logics now and is awaiting the maid’s entry to vent out my pent-up anger.

The moment finally arrives and here she comes with a rather straight face trying to cover up all the tension and acting confident. My anger is now overjoyed and I scream my lungs out at her for her unpardonable crime (coming late to work on a weekend) ! She starts her story of excuses, her eyes betraying her and acknowledging the fact that both of us know they are simply ‘flimsy’ excuses. After my screaming and her excuses, both of us are relieved and get back to our business.

A few minutes of awkward silence and my maid tries to strike a conversation with me. The ice is finally broken and after a few more minutes, the friendly banter begins. The work progresses well much to my relief and my maid is also relieved to see me relieved and smiling. When it is time for her to leave, I give her strong instructions that she should be in by 7.30 AM on a weekend, to which she nods and leaves.

It’s Sunday morning 10AM….my brush gnashing my teeth in anger….my maid doesn’t turn out yet…..and history repeats…..!!!!!

Once a human being, always a human being and never a super human being :-) In this journey of life, there is an eternal need for interdependency on one another emphasizing the fact that every human is valuable and yes honourable. If the maid needs us to get her daily bread, we need her to help us with the household chores to go to earn our daily bread. As long as this interdependency continues, even the maids have to be ‘Maids of Honour’.

Food for Thought !

It was a breezy monsoon morning. The door bell’s jarring noise made me rather kicked me out of my dreams to reality! Yes, what I was to experience after I open the door is truly the reality world. The fresh monsoon breeze was simply irresistible. I felt it brought a new life to my every nerve; my senses were thoroughly enjoying the experience and realize life is all about some beautiful small moments like this. “Aah..! Life is beautiful”, I say to myself.

While I was engrossed in my beautiful world, a sight of two kids fighting for a morsel of food takes me to that world of reality! If that morning had woken me to a beautiful experience, the very morning had woken them to yet another fight for survival. The poignant scene of the kids grabbing the left-overs from the dustbin and running behind a wall to have their share stealthily has tugged at my emotional strings! The monsoon morning left some mixed feelings but I move on….

Too much is always too little for these too many hands

The same evening, a strange forward from my friend Raam caught my attention instantly. The subject line read “Chicken a la carte”. For a foodie like me, it was obvious to open that mail instantly! It was a short film about hunger and poverty brought about by globalization. I have received umpteen numbers of forwards on hunger, food wastage etc and this one might as well fall in the same school. But the morning’s incident and the lyrics of the song at the fag end of the video have really left an emotional impression in my heart. The lines which go something like this – “How come someone’s laughter bring me close to tears” were really very touching. Thanks Hey Raam! for sharing this :-)

I don’t intend to preach anything but just wanted all of us to be a lil more careful when it comes to wastage of food. I wanted to have it in my blog as a glim reminder of the pathetic and poignant situations around us.

Happy Birthday "Santu Boy" !!!

All you need is a light heart to fly high :-)

“Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things!” – Author Unknown.

Whoever said that must have had a friend like Santosh. A million little conversations, thousands of bickerings, tons of fun moments, a little melodrama, some more nostalgia…well..i can go on and on and on….. All those lovely memories make this friendship sooo special :-)

This guy-next-door, down-to-earth and heavy bodied but light hearted chap is like a fresh breeze leaving us refreshed all the time in his company. He ain’t someone striking you instantly but someone who can definitely make you ask for more !!

If my friends Pallavi, Smita, Gururaj, Naresh and some others made my MBA days memorable, Santosh has made it nostalgic! Thanks to these folks, I have many happy memories to look back in my life..!

Walking with your friend in the long lanes of your college campus is definitely a beautiful memory…but imagine walking around a bunch of crazy dogs and a crazy boy instigating those dogs on you !!! Bhat gave me such dreadful memories !

Gossiping in the coll library is fun but how about seeing your friend having fun with “that” person whom you hate the most??!! Bhat has this knack of irking me!

When all of us are ready for some fun, who else can make me sick by playing only “Antakshari” all the time…blaring the same old songs into my ears??!!

We had such horrible fights and I decided to call Santosh a “history” in my life and the next day I was with him talking about how relieving it was fighting with him…

Whatever said…this guy has all the patience to put up with my impulsive behaviour, a generous heart to buy me my fave pastry on his bday, his dad’s bday, his akka’s bday, blah..blah..blah..,a sweet tongue which never knew what a harsh word was and a caring (yes really caring) attitude towards anybody not just his friends…. All these and more make Santosh a friend you can truly look upto…

One of those precious possessions I can be very very proud of when I look back in my life is “Friendship with Santosh”. I sincerely pray that our friendship remains forever !

Santosh, I don’t know if you know but you better know now that you are one friend I really treasure. Wishing you many more happy birthdays and also wishing that you find your “lady” luck this year who comes singing “Tumse Milke…” (your fave song) into your life….



PS : A special note from Phani – “This guy is still single and is an absolute eligible bachelor….Rush in your applications to my id ;-)”

A Catch - 22 !

Seven Rupees is a BIG Deal..!!

2001 : On a sunny sunday morning I was busy running and catching an auto to rush to my CAT classes. I manage to find one, I get in and out of it in 5 mins. I give a 10 rupee note to the auto boy and he says "No change madam !! I will be around always, you can take the change some other time". I snapped "I am not around always. This is not where I belong to." My heart says "It's ok, no time, forget the change" but my mind (rather my ego) says "Seven rupees is a big deal...let him get a change!" Even before I decided whom to listen to, the auto boy vanished saying the same - "I will be around always, I WILL take the change some other time."

"Seven Rupees is a BIG deal" agreed both my heart and mind "But to HIM more than you" whisper they in unison! Lesson learnt.

But I have only Rs. 750/- !!

2006 : On a dark night around 8PM, I come out of the MMTS station to rush home. Suddenly from nowhere this family of 3 (mom, dad & son) ask me if I can understand Hindi. After my affirmation he goes on to say how he was trapped and brought here in the name of some work. He said he had no money to even go back and his kid hasnt eaten for the past three days.

All my past lessons wake up this time. I quickly ransack my handbag and find Rs. 750. With an upset and an even more touching tone I ask him - "But I have only Rs. 750/-, will that amount be sufficient to go back?" All he said was - "We will adjust, it’s ok." I give that money and have a peaceful sleep (Obviously, I helped a family go back home !!)

That my whole world made a huge hue and cry telling me I was fully taken for a ride and such sob stories are very common is something I would rather forget. After a couple of weeks, I find the same people telling the same story to other innocent prey !! On one side I hear some heavy things like "help the needy", "save one's life", "donations to victims", "social consciousness" et al. On the other side I also hear some loud things like "dont encourage begging", "Even if its a single rupee, fight for it as you have 'earned' it", "No free lunch" and all that jazz.

I am left dazed and confused !

Conclusion : I havent yet been able to take a stand on this till date. The only solution I found relieving is to follow my instinct. If I feel like giving at that moment, I give; else I dont ! But I have made it a point not to give to men (adults) who look physically OK to me to work and earn. If you have a better idea to get me out of this catch-22 situation, you are more than welcome to share it with me :)

PS : Sincerely hoping I haven't ruffled any feathers by raising a socially controversial topic [:P]

Cooked Up..!!!

Yes...that's exactly how you will feel after those bheja-frying lectures on the art called cooking. And the artists – everybody possible…right from your grandmas to parents to aunties to friends!!! This is yet another saga of my transformation from cooking-illiterate to cooking-literate with “Pun Intended” ofcourse :P

The Late 1990s: Red chilli powder or Red Kumkum powder??
“Who cares??!!” was my instant reply and yes that’s how I was. During the 10th boards by some quirk of fate I had to enter the kitchen and cook, thankfully just a curry. Thought I was doing a great job till my mom gave a horrified look. Instead of using red chilli powder I used red kumkum powder (mind you…I was still in ‘school’ and both were red in color)

That’s “it” ! The funny bone of the whole world (read my world) was tickled to such a humorous (read sick) extent that all they did was to braoadcast to the rest of the unknown world about the great (actually shameless) act of mine. The whole incident was beaten, the fun grinded and the world chewed it sucking the juices out of me.

“She cant even differentiate chilli from kumkum??? Badly pampered!!” Said one.

“How can someone do this and yet be so proud of it? With this kinda attitude she will never be able to sustain in her inlaws place” said another.

I gave all of them a smile, a shameless smile of indifference, silently telling them “That’s not my priority NOW”

Mid 2000s: Jeera…What’s that??

Another unfortunate day when my friend asks me to get some jeera I fail to recognize how it looks much to their dismay. That’s another “it” ! This time the ‘shocking’ bones of the world were jerked. Obviously I was doing my MBA and not knowing Jeera at that age was hopeless according to them. My dear darling friends also join the bandwagon this time and make a song and dance about my culinary skills on every possible occasion. I don’t remember any gathering discussing food and not discussing my 'expert' cooking talent.

“I really pity the one who is going to marry Haritha.” Said one
“Pls teach your daughter atleast some elementary cooking tips before her marriage otherwise she will bring disgrace to you.” Said another very concerned and cribbing soul.

Then again I gave all of them a smile,a smile of exasperation, loudly telling them – “You are right Im grown up. Then why the hell are you still worried?”

Late 2000s – Precisely 2008 and present:

I can cook a full meal (tasty one) to my husband. He eats it to his stomach’s content and thanks (rather loves) me to his heart’s content for the tasty meal. I haven’t attended any crash course in cooking nor have I taken any of those expert tips from the so-called concerned world. All I did was to use my common sense while cooking and my heart while experimenting a new dish

The whole world gets started again but this time turning the tables ! Whoa!!
"Cooking isnt a big deal...it comes naturally especially to a woman" says one.
"I know you are smart enough to cook well even w/o any practice before marriage and you did it." says another (now) encouraging character
All of them now infact say – “When are you cooking for us? Waiting to taste your food”

Now again I give this enthusiastic crowd another smile, a smile of vengeance sarcastically telling them “I cook only for MY people” :P

All the while I kept telling my mom to let me do what my age and situations demand. If I am in 10th let me prepare well for my boards. If I am in my MBA, let me plan for my career. When I marry I will anyways cook. Why should I be doing something now which I can as well learn later?? Apparently there were no takers to my school of thought. To quote my cousin Vasudha(another victim) – “Cooking is to man what suckling is to babies”. How true ! And if it is this natural why raise such a hue and cry??

So gals...dont take the steam of those comments and boil ur blood or fry your mind even more….just put off the guilt cylinder and light ‘your’ stove in ur style….This way you will end up being a good cook without being badly “cooked up” ..!!!!

….And the Saga continues…

“My emotional dilemma” is what I would like to call it in one word. Relations are myriad and relatives (read friends, family, cousins and every other association) weird. Even before I knew what a “relation” truly meant I knew I was emotional, I knew I cant live with out them and I knew being out of a relation breaks my heart and dampens my eye. Every time I find someone “close” to me part ways with me I have seen a piece of my heart walking away from me leaving my heart bruised…

All of my relations usually start off on a very stormy note thanks to my ever-talkative and over-expressive attitude. Sometimes they are like this lovely breeze which touch you only on and off yet leaving an eternal fragrance. Whatever be the case my heart has absorbed them like a clay pot absorbing any color of the water. The moment my eyes widen, my smile broadens and my heart jumps in joy seeing someone or talking to someone I know I have found another flower in the garden of my life. We may be as different as rose and lily yet I ensure that the seeds of our relation are strongly soiled. Different flowers bring different colors to our garden. My heart holds them close inside, my surprising lil gestures add water to nurture the relation, our 'sun'ny converstions give the much-needed food for the relation to grow strong.

There are occasional showers of anger, dampening disappointments and thunders of arguments. But after the storm there is lull again, the cool breeze hasn’t stopped us swaying again towards each other like two flowers swaying again to the breeze of friendship and love.

With all these my heart gets emotional, increases expectations and prioritizes the association. The green plant grows becoming a cynosure for the rest of the world. My friends tell me how much proud they are to be one in my garden. Each of those flowers vie with each other to be “My fave” flower

Suddenly one day the green plant of our friendship starts to show the yellow stains of disinterest. Everything is the same – the heart holding tight, the water nurturing and the ‘sun’ny talks still on. Yet its not the same realizes my heart... My heart worries, desperately tries to see what is wrong; the plant of our relation is now watered with its tears, there’s no longer sunny talks only a pall of gloom covering it like a sky around the earth. The plant knows it all but doesn’t heed.

“Why don’t you tell me what is wrong?” Unless you speak out how would I know what mistake I did?” asks my poor heart. But the plant of our friendship continues to become yellow and finally dies. The poor heart having seen a piece of its heart dead is appalled and dazed.

“This is not the only flower in the garden” tells my mind to which my heart says – “No flower is replaceable” while looking at the hundred others.

It wonders what could have prevented this and takes the extra care while planting a new seed of friendship. After the seed of a friendship blossoms into a lovely green plant it again turns yellow leaving a vale of tears to my heart.

Getting a little serious on this…No matter how much extra care I take to go that extra mile to make my relations, “some” people have ruthlessly ditched me. I take a cue from the experience, teach myself some wisdom and move on with my life. Yet it happens as I grow in my life….I don’t think I have ever learnt any lesson at this rate !!

Yet I don’t give up…I bring a new flower; it dies, and then bring one more, even that dies……and the saga continues….

But hey...the one thing I never learnt and never intend to learn is "Forget" & "Forgive" all those who made me shed a tear ... :P

PS: This is not for all those who have been, are and will be with me. A Big Thanks to all you guys for bringing some beautiful colors to my life :-)

My Moody Musings

“What is this life if; full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare….”

Wonder all my well-nigh dead living senses in unison! This Davies poem which was once liked by me for its simplicity is now admired for depicting so well the modern life complexity. How can the poem written ages ago hold good even today is one question which left me gaping. But I was in no mood to think more than this. My so called busy life hasn’t given me any chance to be in touch with me for long and now after a long and tiring day at work here I am sitting in my cab waiting to be home and slowly slipping into my moody musings….trying to listen to all that my senses want to share….

My mind which was once calculative, fast and busy cooking some damn thing today has come to a grinding halt. It swiftly questions me “Should I be thinking always??”

My eyes which were ones very excited about dreaming even in sleep, observing people and things around are now innocently asking me “Can we be put to sleep?”

My heart which once beat for all my people, loved to be accompanied with them is now avoiding everyone. It feels bored with people around, feels ditched by the world around….and tells me “I would want to remain inside you…” robbing me of my chance to be an open-hearted gal !

My ears which were once all ears to have the ipod headphones plugged into them are now saying “Pls shut us in a silent world”. To them now a “Mauja hi Mauja”or a “Masakali” or a “Mysterious girl” are all the same – a mere cacophony!

My tongue which was once dying to tickle its taste buds with various tastes is now content with a glass of water ! All it says is “Give me something to live not just to survive..” for which I have no answer !

The creative streak in me which always was upto some blog topic is now drained of ideas and deprived of inspiration !

My musings came to a screeching halt thanks to the traffic and the rash driving, the cab had to stop that way and it was time for me to get down. I walk for a while finally reach home. I open the lock and enter the house only to see darkness. There’s a power cut I tell myself thinking there’s darkness in mind, darkness inside the home darkness everywhere in my life

In the darkness with no energy to even light a candle I fall flat on my couch and continue to get into my dark tunnel of thoughts with half-closed eyes and half-hearted mind. After a few seconds I see a light, a bright light shining in the dark. My reflexes wake up and tell me what it is and I also wake up from my musings like I have woken up from deep sleep!! The moment I realize what it is my tightly clipped lips break into a smile then laugh at my own stupidity and then break into a guffaw !! The red light is the light of the power meter…. I forgot to switch on the light !!!!! Indeed there’s light at the end of a tunnel :-)

The smile has dispelled all my moody musings and de-stressed me. My eyes are now wide-open, my mind plans to blog this, my creative streak says it’s now inspired, my ears say its all ears to hear what it has to say, my heart is jumping with joy to share this with its close people and my hands are all set to type ;-)

My work is waiting for me, my house is in a mess and is crying for my attention but all my senses said “Go on and do what you enjoy doing” otherwise we would again have to feel stressed and say “What is this life if; full of care, we have no time to stand and stare….”

That ONE Step...!!

"I should definitely make it. I shouldnt give up nor should lose and stay focussed on the goal" - I kept telling these words to myself so that i could achieve what i wanted to!!

I was all set to go where I wanted to...mentally preparing myself to give my best and get there, pepping up myself to stay positive and not give up. I know the competition is fierce infact neck-and-neck, I know the rat race is too complicated with forces from all sides trying to distract me, beat me and make me lose the battle and yet Im prepared to go !!

While I was lost in these thoughts....the much awaited moment has finally come and Im now all into it, fighting it out, trying to pave my way & win, staying positive and above all telling myself not to give up !! I kept at it and desperately found various ways to win..!!

But all is in vain....it dint take me much longer to realise that I was fighting a losing battle, that the competitors have outdone me and my winning is now only a wish -- an unfulfilled wish!! Just then when I realised this I GAVE UP !! "This is not you....you dont give up jus like that...how did u do that??" my mind & heart ceaselessly questioned me for which I had no answer...!!

"Take that ONE STEP and you will be there" suddenly came a voice from behind. I know it was my hubby Phani. I wanted to look at him but there was no time."Dont Give up...just GO!!" came the voice again...My mind and heart stopped for a second and my reflexes took charge...I took that ONE STEP and I MADE IT !!! Yes I made it and Here I AM where I wanted to be.......Here I AM with a contended smile in the MMTS Train which has already taken off from the station :-) !!

PS : A feeble attempt to narrate my experience with a lil suspense and humourous end [:P] But on a serious note, dont you see the right push at the right time can take you to the right place and all it takes is that ONE step :-) ??

Bunty aur Bubly !!

Bubly (Me) : Phani, today is 'Jealous day' ...Name one thing in me which you are jealous about.
Bunty (Phani) : I am jealous that you got a wonderful life partner !
Bubly (Me) : !!!!!

Our Date with the Nature !

It was a cold winter evening...yeah..Dec end and the time was ticking around 5 PM, the time when the sun is not on our heads but on our sides waving us good bye and doing it faster than the day time !! The dark sky was beginning to spread its blanket on us while the sun is still around. A perfect time to go out on a date..huh!! We (Phani & me) along with his cousin and his cousin' dad went to the famous Hyderabad Central University (HCU) to spend an evening. And believe me it was literally a date in the lap of the nature.

HCU has a sprawling campus spreading as far as your eyes can see. It is covered with bushes and trees all around and is all green to look. The cold air emerging from the trees around on a cold winter seemed like a cold knife cutting your skin!! We had first seen the Sports Building and the ground there where we could find a lot of guys playing India's favourite sport 'Cricket' (Quite predictable..right??) Then we just galavanted the whole place exploring the canteen, the park, lake etc. Nature was at its best there.

We moved on to a beautiful lake (ofcourse it was dirty!!) The lake is actually covered by many thorns, dirty pits and grass both wet & dry. But we dint hate it as it was very natural.....this is how it would be if there is nobody to pamper the place yet it looked beautiful because it was nature at its natural best. The path to the lake was very narrow, dusty, thorny and rocky too but still was a visual treat. The place was disorganised yet had a beauty in itself. This dusty road which led to the lake had the much wanted privacy any young couple would ask for ;) !!

There were no artificial plants or man maintained lawns...it looked like as if nature was flirting with the place and leaving its mark wherever she wants and however she likes to do !! Do check out this place if you happen to be in Hyderabad to see what nature looks like when it is not 'man-handled' :P